The University's oldest second-oldest only society that is definitely not real.
Four years of research, three crates of Bodleian index cards, and one very long piece of red string. The cards can be moved around. That doesn't mean the truth can.
↑ drag the evidence. click "open file". the string follows you. it always follows you.
Have you ever been to Cambridge? Has anyone you trust been to Cambridge? Think carefully. A "Boat Race" every year against an opponent no one has met in daylight. A rival university that just happens to have the exact same idea for everything. Wake up.
Christ Church runs five minutes behind Greenwich. Great Tom strikes 101 times at 9:05pm. They call it "tradition". We call it temporal embezzlement. Every day, 300 seconds are harvested from every person in the city. Where do they go?
Seconds stolen from you since you opened this page:
Total stolen since 1546: person-seconds (est.)
All meetings are held in the room behind the room behind the bookcase in [REDACTED] College. If you know where it is, you were already invited. Bring your own tinfoil; the society supply was "confiscated".
| Week | Event | Location |
|---|---|---|
| 0th | Squash & Debrief. Free drinks. The drinks are not drugged. Why would you ask that. | The room that isn't on the fire plan |
| 1st | Talk: "The Radcliffe Camera Is A Camera." Where's the film? Who's developing it? What will we look like in the photo? | Directly beneath it, quietly |
| 2nd | Walking tour of the Bodleian sub-basements. | Cancelled (we lost Gareth) |
| 3rd | Pigeon Interrogation Workshop. They know what you did at Bridge. Bring breadcrumbs, they respond to bribery. | Broad Street, centre |
| 4th | Debate: "This House Believes The Oxford Comma Is A Cipher." Speakers for, against, and a third speaker who is a plant. | A secret Union room |
| 5th | Fifth Week Blues Séance. We contact the spirit of whoever invented collections. | Port Meadow, after dark, among the cows (informants) |
| 6th | Mallard Watch. All Souls next hunts the duck in 2101. We are getting in early. | A respectful distance from All Souls |
| 7th | Formal: Black Tie & Tinfoil. Sub fusc bow ties will be checked for transmitters. | A college with suspiciously good wine |
| 8th | AGM & Mass Memory Wipe. Minutes will not be taken. Minutes will be taken. | You won't remember |
| 9th | There is no 9th week. | — |
Membership is free, mandatory and irrevocable. Pass the screening to receive your certificate. Nothing you enter here leaves your device. That's what we'd say either way.
Direct line to the society mainframe (a Raspberry Pi hidden somewhere in the Pitt Rivers). Type help.